Learnt from Krista how to check for mites. Also to find eggs and queen cells. And house bees. And I got to take home some of the most delicious honey I ever tasted.

I am really proud of my work over the last 2,5 years and especially lately. Creating a physical space for people to come together to make real connections is just something really rewarding. Seeing how friendships are made, things happen because someone shares an idea, gets feedback and then feels inspired to do it. It's so fortunate to live in a time where individuals have the opportunity to come together and work together that way. 

Frustrated and isolated by working from home I always felt I am missing out on life and all the fun. I didn't want to add the stress of a regular, paid office job to my hectic but great life - still balancing small kids and work - so I preferred working on my own projects from home on my on schedule. Just real connections were missing. I always had great colleagues that I did fun stuff with and then I was home alone (besides the kids) no one seemed to care about what I do all day. I felt desperate enough that I almost took a job just to improve my social life.

Then I came across 'Coworking' and was intrigued. I went to a brown lunch meeting at 'The HUB' and thought how cool would that be to join this space and get my work done, just without the commute and parking and paying more then I make. After some thinking I came up with a 'Coworking +Childcare' idea that I entered in a business competition with a social change focus (SVP). My idea didn't make the cut to advance in the competition, but at a workshop someone connected me with Jessie, another Coworking space owner and she connected me with Stefan, my current business partner.

We met, synced ideas, started looking at spaces and setting up Coworking meetups in coffee shops. It was really exciting to see our vision come to life. We found a group of fun people to start our space and a couple month later we moved in. My life is so much richer and balanced and I feel so empowered and confident just from having my work community. It has impacted my life in so many ways already and I haven't had one single day when I regretted I started this venture.

Still my favorite movie ever. Wow, 20 years ago. I still get butterflies just from watching it. Being 20 again and traveling on a train through Europe with Ethan Hawke. A dream.

Not only is Ethan super cute, he also says the right things at the right time. And always with this unbelievable sympathic grin and ease but also tiny bit of doubt and self consciousness that makes him vulnerable and relatable and sexy.

I feel like this film was made for me. If I would have to come up with a movie, it would be exactly like 'Before Sunrise'. It's this kind of romance and understanding, exploring another person and a new space, creating these deep connections, mixed with the randomness of the strangers (and their reactions) they run into in this beautiful, quirky city. It's so artful to see all the love to detail about the locations and these raw dialogues, I can't believe someone just made these up for the movie. I expect part of it was probably improvised by Julie and Ethan. Just unbelievable.

I am not kidding if I say this is my favorite movie ever. I even visited some of the movie locations in Vienna (like the 'Schallplattenhandlung Teuchtler' - just not with Ethan (but newly dating future husband, which was very nice, too). I don't know exactly why but Ethan also seems utterly familiar to me, like a cousin or best friend's boyfriend. It's maybe just because I 'grow up' with him, watching 'Before Sunrise' at least once a year over the last 20 years. There is no actor I adore more. There is no actress I adore more. There is no story that I like more. There is also no story that is more romantic, more passionate, more realistic and more artfully crafted. It's a great story to tell the melancholy, freedom and search for identity and belonging of my generation. There is no better movie I can relate to and be sucked in.

Thank you Richard Linklater (and Kim Krizan) for this wonderful piece of art. You are my storytelling heroes - and I am not easily impressed. ;-)

Just found a great piece about why this movie is great.

Just came across this comment from 'caiti' on freerangekids.com

'Before I knew about free range kids I didn’t have a short, general explanation of my approach to parenting. All I knew was that from the moment my boy was born, I had gut feelings and instincts that informed my parenting (like before he crawled, instead of giving him every toy he reached for, I encouraged him to figure out how to grab for it himself so he would learn that he wasn’t a helpless creature). Somehow I knew this wasn’t quite mainstream but I really had trouble explaining my approach to others, partly due to the effects of post partum I think. So I was a little embarrassed about it and afraid people would think I was an awful mother. (I mean, can’t I see my cute precious baby wants his toy and I’m denying him? )

Seeing Lenore’s blog was like a light bulb moment- I saw my beliefs mirrored and articulated and discussed among other parents who saw themselves as purposefully working themselves out of a job because they expected their children to be self sufficient at 18. (See? Now I can articulate it!) Now I’m proud of it and frequently nudge others to rethink their assumptions about the real dangers to kids. So to wrap this up, even if I had no kids to give a bracelet to, I’d still order a few as a way to support Lenore and the work she does, and as a small thank you.'

I couldn't have said it better. I parent most of the time by the montessori principle  "Help Me to Help Myself". I want to work myself out of my job of child caring. I want them to be able to do all the things they want to do by the time they are capable and let them feel empowered. If there is a danger, I have to decide how likely it is and make a call. But depriving my kids from freedom, experiences and learning out of fear alone does not strike me as a good idea. Many of us are blocked by anxiety and fear but most of that fear is unreasonable once you go to face it. My kids only have one childhood and I want to get this right for them. I don't want them to miss out on some of the greatest childhood memories (sorted by age) that I had, and most of them did not involve any kind of adult or supervision:

- playing with water and friends, running around naked, giggling, best feeling ever (toddler til 1st grade)
- getting ice cream at the bakery across the street with my allowance when I was 4
- going over to my neighbors house to play in their backyard when I was 4
- walking to preschool (already to late and too far) with my friends through a little park with a creek (we loved to let leaves and little boats, made out of a twigs, float (no parent supervision, just little buddies sticking together)
- biking to a corn field with my best friend with a picnic playing family when we were 5
- walking to school by myself in 1st grade
- cooking pasta for myself for lunch 7 years old, of course, home alone
- going swimming in the lake with my friends after school every day all summer long (age 7)
- biking 12 miles to the next public pool through a forest where actually a 10 year old was kidnapped just 3 years earlier (What a trill! but let me tell you nothing happened to me, because the odds of this happening ever again there and then where very, very low, and the path to the pool so very, very beautiful, so my parents made the call, it's safe)
- biking with a group of 3rd graders to visit our teacher who lived in the next town for cookies and milk
- going to a restaurant for lunch ordering tomato soup with my best friend while on vacation in Yugoslavia (age 9)
- attending an adult workshop on how to write and publish a newspaper (age 10), my offset for my first venture
- taking public transportation (long train ride) to school in 5th grade
- biking by myself to school through a dense forest in 5th grade
- went camping with my friends (not summer camp) every summer from 6th grade
- taking a overnight train with 2 friends to summer camp when I was 11
- starting my first 'business' by publishing a monthly magazine for summer camp with 180 'paying' recipients (age 11)
- going to a travel agency and booking tickets to fly to summer camp when I was 12 (could have done it earlier, but thought it's too expensive for my allowance, turns out it wasn't. ;-))

The last one is also my Moms favorite story about my early strike of independence; the day I came home showing her my flight tickets for my upcoming trip to summer camp. I felt great. I felt capable.

These are some of my best memories from my childhood. I want to be able to share some of those with my kids. My only fear is someone calls the police if I let my kids do some of these fun things, like biking in the neighborhood or getting ice cream at the store. I know when they are capable and I want to make the choice if I think it's appropriate or not. I might be a little alternative with my views, maybe even a hippie, but my heart as my mom urges to give my kids this freedom at the right time. I know when they can. No one else.

And protecting kids from being seen without a shirt or pants while playing with water out of fear someone might watch them is taking freedom and sense of security away from the kids as the actual danger is. Educating them on their body, appropriate touch (abuse is usually done by a friend not a stranger) and mental illness, is way more powerful in protecting them as it is to shelter them from unreasonably danger.

Yes, it's a different time (actually safer then ever ;-)) and we live in a big city where you can actually buy guns (and drugs and alcohol) in a store, so what I can proudly report, I let my 9 year old do:

- bike around the block and to the park checking back every 30 minutes
- playing in the alley by himself
- walking 8 blocks home from school with a friend
- going to the library (on our block), checking out books
- going to chess club at the same library by himself
- going to the park (one block away) to play soccer
- going to the neighbors for a chat
- visiting a family friend that lives 2 blocks away for cookies and candy
- making sunny side up eggs and breakfast
- getting money from his account at the ATM

He also was on a school bus for over an hour - and he went to the bus stop (on the corner of our street) and also walked home from the bus stop by himself when he was 5. That was a stretch, but I am happy to report, it did not harm him or me and we saved a ton of CO2, gas money and stress by me resisting to driving him to school.

One thing that scares the heck out of me and where we are a bit old school is computer use and browsing the internet. I try to really hover and check on him whenever he does. I hope we can let him ride the public bus by himself this summer and also send him to buy ice cream in the store.

Even if this does not sound what you want to do with your kids, please let others do what they feel it's right for their kids by supporting the 'free range kids' movement and not calling the police, if a child is at play. I strongly believe kids need movement and unsupervised, unscheduled time for their development. Don't lock them inside out of fear or a demanding schedule. It's their right to be outside, even if it seems dangerous to some adults.

I don't want to say this is a 'typical' day in my life, but I have these regularly. I kind of like them, but also not. I like it to feel alive and excited. I don't like it to feel overwhelmed and rushed. So here it goes.

Wake up late. 8.45 instead of 8.15. Already not a good start.
Shower, casual biz outfit and toaster waffle in record speed.
Need to unload super heavy boxes of garage sale stuff out of minivan (feel defeated and sweaty - and it's not even 9 am yet - as I pledged to myself this stuff will not come back in my house)
Race to Bee Garden to check on irrigation system (everything dry as hell, system seemed to not have worked - darn)
Remember I left a wooden board on the side of my friends house to be able to take 4 kids and my friend - promised to pick it up that day, which is 4 days ago, totally forgot about it, feel guilty)
Wrestle with the heavy as hell (adult) car seats to get the gigantic wooden board in my car and Ouch!, feel a big long splinter enter my thumb right next to a nerve (feel lots of pain)
Rush to the body shop to leave my car there for A WEEK which experienced a 'hit & run' while parked
Walk to my office to give a tour to a potential new member/client (which feels a bit exciting but also draining as I try to sell my space and me and everyone in there, and that just isn't my nature and I want to scream "take it or leave it - this is what it is and what I worked for so hard for the last 2+ years")
Get a text from my neighbor that our mutual friend and our adopted Grandma fell down the stairs late last night and is in the hospital with multiple fractures requiring immediate surgery (feel worried and shocked - hard to focus on anything else) 
I was just hanging out with her all day last Friday while she was worried about the health of our other neighbor, the one that texted me now - love it that these 70+ ladies text - don't think I should tell the kids these shocking news
Head back home to quickly grab the notes I printed and forgot in the printer to then head to the Bee Garden to give a presentation to a High School group (feel hot, passionate and ready to share all I know about bees)
Run into my neighbor who tears up about our friend in the hospital, try to comfort her with a big fat hug
Try to relax as I remember my googled-self-diagnosis for the stabbing pain in my chest as 'Angina' - when stress leads to higher oxygen demands in the heart and the heart sends stabbing pain as warning signals (just had one while I sat in my Sunday work meeting which really scared the heck out of me, thinking I might have a heart attack, don't want to experience this again, and try to stay calm and relaxed at all times before going to the doctor and being tested for it
Get a message our real estate agent wants to have a meeting immediately (feel tired and overwhelmed by now with the intensity and randomness of this day)
Head back to the office for an hour long impromptu meeting about lease proposals with lots of numbers and options requiring my attention and quick grasp (very demanding, exciting, but tiring)
Head to school for pick up and enjoy just walking the quiet streets in my neighborhood (trying to make sense of all the information I just heard, worrying about my friend and trying to think of all the todos I just haven't gotten to today at all and also how this day was supposed to be my 'FREE day' which really feels ironic by now
Back home I clean up all the mess I left while I left in a hurry this morning which by now seems like days ago
Printing stuff to read for tonight's meeting, trying hard to unwind a bit, 
Remember to make a doctor's appointment for my splinter and angina/anxiety attack (feel frustrated all my call options (cell, skype, hangout, voice) won't work, have to find and install apps, and find/guess old passwords
Finally figure it out at exactly 5.01 pm (not kidding!!!) when I reach the doctors office voice recording telling me the office hours are til 5 pm. Great! Just great!
Try to email friends to find out more about my friend in the hospital and what I can do to help
Write 'What a SHITTY day!' on facebook, then edit it and post 'What a day!' instead to share just a little bit of my 'awesome' day
Son comes to me in tears telling me he lost his favorite ball (again!) somewhere in a thorny, hilly hedge, (so I feel really sad for him), stop everything I do immediately and go look for his ball (and feel great that I actually find it (not like last time) and love to see him happy again)
Head to the Bee Garden to pick up the stuff I left when I had to leave in a hurry for my impromptu meeting
But not without a 7 minute tantrum by my daughter insisting to bring a ton of heavy and super slow push toys on this trip, which I would have to carry back along with a wagon and the canopy (not having it! no way!)
Finally at the Garden (after some draining convincing) I read the very confusing manual to reset the irrigation system, also fix the very valued watering key chain we gardeners share while entertaining my 7 year old with water play, and of course get totally drenched handing her the hose which actually counts as one of my favorite moments of this day (feel wet and sunkissed and happy)
Make it home for dinner, steak and peppers grilled by my wonderful husband (feel grateful)
Sync husband on splinter, failed doctor call, anxiety, friend in hospital, real estate proposal, High School tour, irrigation system, kids and fear of not having enough time to prepare for tonight's meeting (feel overwhelmed again)
Shower and search for our tweezers to get the still super painful splinter out of my thumb bugging me all day (pain!)
Spontaneously decide to stop at the store for cookies and chocolate as I SO NEED THEM TODAY (and also really feel I deserve them more than ever today)
Make it to the meeting just 10 minutes late and meet our new Marketing interns for the first time
We have a productive team meeting with creative and collaborative moments (feel accomplished)
Clean up the office, water plants, fill dishwasher and get the trash out at 10.30 pm (tired, long day)
Drive home to write this up and be done with this day! 

YEAH!

I would like to take my family on a meaningful trip for a while (at least a month, better 12). Thinking family sabbatical, but with a purpose. Ideally environmentally. Maybe a road trip to educate on bees or trees or recycling or internet safety. Could also go to a foreign country.  Ideally it's something that helps and feels good, so it's not just mindless wandering in time and space. So the meaningful part and service nature of our family time is happening.

There are some travel jobs and jobs abroad but all these are not meant for families and would be hard to manage. I would like to get the whole family involved in a great project. It could also be work for just one of us (skill set below), as long as we all can come along. We want to be emerge in culture/community as a family. We are a package deal.

Volunteering. Educating. Sharing. Learning. Collaborating. Setting up a computer center or a coworking space. Building a play ground or shelters or school. Camp hosts. Teaching German or English or both. Hosting or representing as ambassadors. Product ambassadors. Online media/retail. Project management. House sitting. Getting stuff started. Getting stuff done. Collecting stories. Planting flowers. Feeding lions. Traveling with a family. Travel circus. Tutoring. Playing with kids, especially little kids. Private cook. Kitchen helper. Testing travel experiences. Writing about travel experiences. Helping with a project or garden. Taking care of people. Camp Counselors. Anything like that. 

Our resume:
We are adventurous. We are open minded. We are well organized. We are the A-Team. We get stuff done. We are reliable.
We can blog and take pictures.

If you hear or see something that fits us, please let us know. I am looking for this 'adventure' for us for a while, but 'family job descriptions' are rare Most 'family wanted' ads are about hosting someone in your house and not travel opportunities. 

Now I got it out to the universe. Let's see what comes around. Thanks!

7.45 am: Decided to stay in bed 5 more minutes after the alarm clock hit as I had trouble falling asleep. My arm hurt so bad but I did not want to get up for pain pills. Took forever to fall asleep, so just 5 more minutes will fix everything. Right?!

7.50 am: I get up - already a little stressed wasting 5 minutes of highly precious morning time - I send my 9 year old down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast and holler at my 7 year old to get dressed. I get dressed but she still doesn't. I holler again, pick clothes for her. She complains about not feeling like school today. I feel her forehead (no fever) and tell her to hurry so we won't be late for school.

8.00 am: I go downstairs to prepare school lunches while I holler up to her she should hurry. 

8.10 am: Another 10 minutes pass to put on ONE shirt and while I give another shout out she screams back she is already on her way. No idea what she did for the last 10 minutes! Time flies. By now we are 15 minutes behind schedule and I urge her to sit down for breakfast. 

8.15 am: The kids fight over this and that and who gets to lick the honey spoon. I send my son to get his lunch for his backpack and holler at my daughter to get to the bathroom. She says she is still hungry but I insist she has to move on so we can make it to school in time.

8.20 am: She has some digestive issues and our doctor ordered are she has to sit on the loo after breakfast for 10 full minutes. Not only 10 long minutes in the morning, but especially long minutes if it's a power struggle all the way. We are already way behind and I scratch my harmonious morning walk to school I was so looking forward to. Not gonna happen. She whines and bickers while I slowly push her little body toward the bathroom. She complains not having her favorite book and not having enough to eat and overall unhappiness.

8.25 am: I pack her lunch for her while she complains about her itchy shirt and not enough breakfast. I run up to grab an array of shirts to pick from stopping her timer 2 minutes early (my way to buy time) and race downstairs to get ready to drive to school.

8.30 am: It takes her another 5 minutes to finally come down the stairs. I hide all the other shoes so it won't take another 5 minutes to pick the right shoes and beg her to hurry to put on her shoes. She forgets her backpack and races back up. When she finally makes it down again, she can't get the zipper up on her shoes. Never happened before, but sure today. I tell her to just step in her boots and do that in the car. She leaves the house in socks. I am still not sure the car would even start as the battery had issues the day before. But it does. I am very thankful. She complains about not wanting to step on the wet grass with her socks and not being able to get to the car. I told her again to put on her shoes leaving the zippers open and try again in the car, but she did not seem to like that idea.

8.35 am: As we are finally all in the car it takes way too long she closes her door and buckle herself. 

8.37 am: So, we sit and wait and listen to her screaming at the buckle, door and me. 2 more minutes pass. I slowly and safely race to the closest school parking.

8.42 am: We cross the street, I hold out my hand so I can help her walk down the steep staircase a little faster as we have only 3 more minutes til the bell rings. She slows down intentionally, making me tense and majorly irritated. I grab her wrist and pull her to the stairs, while she screams at me. People watch us. Always feels great.

8.43 am: I give her 5 seconds to calm down and she then takes my hand and we rush down the stairs and make it in the building with just a minute to spare before the bell rings. She cheerfully greets a friend - as nothing ever happened - and I give her a good bye kiss on the forehead. We made it. Just another morning. 

8.50 am: I drive back home. Already totally drained my day just started and I am already to go back to bed! My day and biggest accomplishment is done.

9.00 am: Now time for breakfast, dishwasher, laundry, shower to get ready for work.

Just 9 more days til summer break! Dragging to the finish line.

I am just blown away by Sheryl Sandberg's post about her grief. 

I wonder if I ever had that much strength and inside to see things so clearly in a time so painful. 
And on a second note, I don't think I could articulate it that well. I wish, I could.

I feel inspired and honored she shared her knowledge publicly. It truly touched me to feel her vulnerability through her words. I know I am riding high on empathy, but who on earth does not feel her pain reading this. 


*stillwipingtearsaway*

Should I be concerned that 
- I feel best in wide comfy sweat pants and batik shirts
- I want to be outside all day 
- and not in front of my computer at all
- I don't want to buy anything anymore - just not. Done.
- I want to give everything away (except my lefty scissors)
- my kids are concerned I want to give everything away til we are homeless
- I want to grow my food
- I get irritated to see catalogs and shipping boxes
- meat in packaging grosses me out
- I don't want to have any junk media around me
- I don't want to see any more junk food around me
- I want to travel and read
- meet funky, free spirited people
- I despise the rat race, fashion, traffic, traditional public schooling
- I enjoy watching bees and bubbles fly in the air
- I finding it annoying to hear lawnmowers and leaf blowers (leave the grass alone, damn it!)
- I can't get excited about one more job interview or executive meeting
- my imaginary friend and captain is a middle-aged woman named 'Doro' in flowy pants and batik shirts
- I want to live in a tiny house or trailer or VW bus
- I just start laughing when my car breaks down
- I get a rash just thinking about morning commute
- I am dreaming of a better world with less noise, pollution, hunger, anger and greed,
- I don't care about my smart phone anymore
- find the concept of investment banking, insurances and mortgages just disturbing (greedy people!)
- I constantly think about how I could do something meaningful with my life
- and be done with wasting my life on commerce
- I want to do good!

Should I???

In one of my networking meetups Bea, a life coach, mentioned hosting exchange students on a regular basis and how it opened all kinds of experiences and worlds to her. I felt very inspired and envious and thought that if we could move our office we could host guests in our downstairs bedroom. It has a nice bathroom is a little separate from our bedrooms, but too far to use it for our kids. So, hosting. We could have someone live with us. Bringing the great stuff about traveling and meeting new people, ideas and adventure right into our house without having to pack up and go anywhere. Great!

A couple of days later I got an email asking for families to host a soccer coach for a week. There was need for this in 2 days. We were not ready yet. The room wasn't set up as a guest room yet and I didn't have the energy to do so. I contacted the person asking for host families but made it clear we weren't ready yet, but interested. Another day passed and I got another a little more urgent email that it would be really great if we could host the next day. Husband was in. 'Sure, we like to help.' So we got our act together, cleaned up in no time, put a make-shift bed together, our spare mattress on top and waited.

Late at night, past the kids bed time, he finally arrived. James. Friendly, young dude from the UK. Moving around with the soccer circus for a while. We quickly learnt he is the perfect house guest. He reads good night stories to the kids. Enjoys every meal we offer, is always polite and also very funny with a bit of normal quirkiness to not make it too awkward. We enjoy taking him along to the beach or dinner. We took the water taxi and walked back (missed the return boat). Met some of his friends. He plays soccer in the alley with the kids. We as a family act a little more civil being around someone else. More polite. Less exaggerating. He is social but not overly. He feeds on Raisin Bran and whole milk. He does stuff outside the house and comes back. He helped grab a ladder to catch a swarm of bees and watched the kids for a night out. No need to entertain or please. Overall, he just blends in perfectly.

I think he enjoys staying with us, too as 1 week became 2 weeks and 2 weeks became 4. :-) We feel honored he still isn't sick of us. Now he is traveling again and it feels strange to see the guest room empty. He will come 'home' soon before he will take off for a longer time. I am excited to hear about his adventures and his future. I can't imagine having missed out on the opportunity to bring him into our lives for a bit and excited who will come next if we keep our door open. 

And, thanks Bea for your inspiration!